Brinda's Lecture

Kelsey Serier The other night, we had the opportunity to listen to a lecture given by our professor's sister, Brinda Jayaraman. Brinda is a counselor in the city of Chennai and she often specializes in marriage and couple's therapy. She works with couples who are products of both arranged and love marriages and she has a good understanding of the benefits, the hardships, and the consequences of pursuing these different marriage options.

I think every student on this study abroad experience has been intrigued with the concept of arranged marriages since before our arrival. It is a concept that is so foreign to us in the United States that it is difficult for us to comprehend marrying without love. Furthermore, I think our interest in this subject has increased throughout our time here because most of the students we have talked to have almost all communicated that they will have an arranged marriage. Not one of the students seemed to be upset that they could not pick their future wife or husband. In fact, many of the girls laughed and thought it would be quite silly to spend so much time looking for a husband in love marriages.

The lecture was fantastic and provided helpful insight into the philosophy behind arranged marriages in this largely collectivist community and gave information about the general trends for marriage in India. Some important highlights and points of the lecture are listed below:

• Love marriages are on the increase in India, whereas the prevalence of arranged marriages is decreasing. The age at which men and women are marrying is also increasing. Most are getting married after college in the age range of 24-28.
• The place or role of the women in the household is becoming more conspicuous. Men and women have equality and women now have more voice, more respect, and more weight in family decisions, pursuit of career, etc.
• In India, a marriage doesn't just take place between two people, it takes place between two entire families. In most instances, the in-laws (especially the new husband's in-laws) have strong influence in the lives and decisions of the married couple. There is very little interpersonal space for the new couple. In fact, divorces in India are primarily a result of discrepancies between in-laws.
• The divorce rate in India is only 1.1% and people in this nation are worried that this percentage is too high. Compare that to the 54% divorce rate in the United States.
• Dowry still plays a large role in the marriage process and often the price of the dowry is directly proportional to the respect the mother-in-law has for her new daughter.
• No person can be married before the age of 18. This fact directly contradicts the common stereotype of child brides and child marriages in India.
• Now before marriage, many men and women are having premarital relationships.
• Sex education is not readily taught in the course of regular curriculum. Often counselors are sought after for this sort of education.
• After a large population boom, India has been very proactive in providing information about family planning for the entire population regardless of caste or socioeconomic status.

Thanks again Brinda for a wonderful and informative lecture. I hope that all of you reading this blog learned some insightful information about the marriage process in India.